When it was announced that Eliza Fletcher disappeared while jogging in Memphis, I will admit, my first thought was “why was she jogging at 4ish am?”. Why? Because she worked full-time, was a mom, and WANTED TO JOG. It’s 2022 and it’s no more safe for women than the past. In fact, with the growth of the incel, dark web, some are saying it’s getting worse.
I have no advice. I have no suggestions. I’m sad. I’m mad. Her children may not feel safe in the community for a very long time. Her students? The same.
He had gotten out of prison a few years ago after another abduction. Some are saying criminals need to forever be incarcerated. All prisoners? We don’t believe anyone can change? I’m not there. Our prison system is broken. We don’t rehabilitate, we house with other criminals. We don’t deal with the reasons they violated others, so they continue. I know its expensive, but isn’t how we are currently doing things? Expensive in prison costs and people lost.
This past month I’ve been interviewing survivors and businesses throughout the country trying to find where we need to go now. Stay tuned for these guidelines, truths.
October is right around the corner. Amazingly. Time goes so quickly. I’d say it snuck up on me but that would be giving myself an excuse for not just getting the work done in a timely fashion.
I also have 6 personal stories of help from those who have lived through victimization and community members who have helped spread the word. A little more to get done!
My dear sister-in-law brought me a gift yesterday, a handmade stained glass dream catcher. Isn’t she talented? I am amazed at what all she creates. She crochets some of the most intricate patterns I’ve seen. And she gladly gives.
We met back up on Facebook after both leaving the brothers that joined us. She has given me a lot of hours more than what she signed onto when she became one of my personal assistants, several years ago. This is just one example.
So, I’m going to honor this gift by working on catching my dream. It is so nice to have a beautiful reminder. Thank you, Terry!
I see my previous profession through different eyes now. I worked for an agency with prevention, capital P, in its very title. I worked for an agency that had the audacity to say that the mission was the elimination of domestic violence. Nice.
Did the programming support that mission? That goal? No.
The programs supported the continued need of abuse to stay afloat. A short-term shelter. Safety yes, for the here and now, not for the time needed to maintain stability. Counseling where the victimized learn how to heal, i suppose, while not benefiting from the positive focus coaching can bring. The term counseling itself has negative connotations, a weakness which needs redirected. What did the victim do which needs that redirection? Counseling plays upon weaknesses. Coaching draws out strengths. Court advocacy provides emergency coverage, yes important. The hotline, emergency, again.
But, for the past few years, the agency pulled out of the community. Why is that a big deal if they are still providing services? Because the vast majority of people who are experiencing intimate partner violence, family violence, NEVER reach out for service. They either just continue to live in it or are able to break free without the services that may have made it easier. Some have no idea there are services (indicating a huge hole in the system) or may feel undeserving to get help. We never know since they haven’t sought assistance.
But these same people are in our community, interacting with others. They work, oftentimes, go to school, houses of faith, entertainment venues. They read newspapers, watch the news. They are our community, and the community needs to fill the void left by an agency that could not meet the need if a fragment of those who are victimized asked for help. It has to change. We should all demand it.
Instead of the shelter leading the narrative, they should be sitting on teams of everyone working on reducing the violence. Of course, law enforcement’s voice should be heard, but this should be the last resort. Businesses, men, churches, the media, other social services should all become engaged in the work. This is the basis of the image shared in this post: the master’s tools (money, grants, legislation) will never dismantle the master’s house (the current system). Change is needed. We should hope most people will never need shelter, but even now, when it is needed, its unavailable because of limited space, being an “unruly” victim or a man being abused. Perhaps if the community was directing the resources, the needs will be better met.
Please review the Community Accountability Wheel. This is the basis of my work.
When I announced that Join Me had received non-profit status approval from the IRS, my son suggested this would be a good jumping off point. We talked and decided that a concentrated effort to get the name and concept into the community would be the best strategy. Then the planning starts. The first 100 days…
What will it look like? Within 100 days, 100 different “categories” will receive direct contact. 100: Women; Men; Professionals; Businesses, Peace Vision Puzzle. When you write it out it doesn’t feel like a lot. Then you start trying to get it started.
The Peace Vision Puzzle will be a table activity where blank puzzle pieces will be available for people to write or draw their peace vision on it, then all the pieces will be combined to develop a commUnity vision. 100 pieces within 100 days.
I’m on day 16. I better get going. What I’ve done so far isn’t a lot, its the planning. Not always my strongest asset. I like doing and looking back afterwards with a little bit of evaluation. That was then, this is now.
I’ve spoken at length with my physical therapist and her intern about what their response should be if they suspect that someone they are working with is being victimized. I’m creating an infogram to send her and ask for her to share. I actually start at another location this week and will do the same there. 2 down, professionals, 98 to go. Yes both were women, but I was sharing professional responsibility. I’ve been working with 3 professionals for a possible program in August. 3 more. 95 to go.
This week is men’s group, 15 scheduled, sometimes even with a group this big, maybe only 5 or 6 will show up. But, no matter what, community healing will be a new concept included. I am scheduled to have a table at the Collinsville VFW on September 5th. I’m working on a table activity for bringing the members to work with Join Me in future collaborations.
100 Businesses. My head hasn’t started coming to terms with this component. Definitely needs to be addressed. I do know that I want to talk to some of the local non-profits to start a needs assessment. What’s going good; what’s missing? Community education feels like a hole now, but maybe that’s just me.
I’m on day 5 of my 100 day kickoff strategy. “In the old days” I would have been out beating the bushes for collaborative opportunities. I was good at it, but have not been good at finding out how to do this with my “differing abilities”. PC be damned, disabilities. I’m disabled from my old norm.
So, here’s the plan.
Over the first 100 days’, I will…
*reach out to 100 women through events/community education about gender-based violence prevention.
*contact 100 professionals about Join Me and the work being done.
*make 100 community “opportunities”–donations, postings outside of the already ‘liked’ audience.
*get ‘peaceful visions’ on 100 puzzle pieces.
*finish Why don’t they just leave?.
This will be time demanding and result producing. Join Me.
For about the millionth time, I’m at the start of a “new adventure”. Starting in about 45 minutes i will be a student, this time at a project guiding people with disabilities into the workforce.
What are my expectations? First I want to get myself back in my habit of being in a place at a designated time. I know that I am bad at it now, arriving late or almost late far too often. I also need to see, virtually, a room full time people like me doing what the rest of the world takes for granted.
So it might seem like I don’t have high hopes, but I do. These are both huge for me.
Performing with three strings. 