The latest flag to represent Disability Pride Month and the explanation of the colors.
Acknowledging and acceptance of my disability is difficult. During a class I’m co-facilitating on Thursday this reluctance to fully live with the dis-ability brought it front and center. I spoke about my personal problems with the word being based upon my ties to my old self. I know I have not dealt fully with it. I’m good, living 21 years with a condition that has a life expectation of 15, but I’m so jealous of people who are just doing things! And I hate that feeling.
My dad and I in about 1996, I think. The last picture I have of us together
My dad and I shared a lot more than I care to admit. Both kind of obsessed with money. Both have a lot of issues with interpersonal skills. Both kind of sullen, too much. And both of us have progressive multiple sclerosis. Damn. But I’m doing much better than he ever did. I need to be thankful.
So I need to remember thst the disability advocacy started on the idea that we are dis-abled because the world isn’t set up to accept us, fully and completely. That I can accept.
I decided that this evening I had to write, again. My son went out and took his dog with him, so i had some free time. I need to do something good with it, instead of focusing on the boob tube. I came to the garden to write.
The past 6 months have been HARD. I found out I messed up the non-profit application with the IRS. Fixable, but expensive. My son tire his Achilles tendon and missed a lot of work, no paid time off. Lots of stuff went on high interest credit cards, that i was thankful to have available. Expensive. Then i had two rounds of covid. Not expensive, thank you government, but hard on my already damaged body. Then my son couldn’t find a full-time position after completing his teaching position. Expensive, once again.
So, this weekend I threw myself a pity party. I cried and cried. Then I reached out to several people who I had to explain what was going on. One resulted in a consulting job and the other cleared up a misunderstanding on a job I completed and I will get some compensation.
Lessons learned. When times get rough, cry and move on. Sometimes the universe wants to help.
I’ve challenged myself to 3 big goals resolutions, for 2022: 1. Work on deeper relationships with my family, mainly my children and granddaughter. 2. Get Zach to the place where he can move on. 3. Decide if I really want Join Me to happen as a business, or just a meaningful side gig.
Each of these build on the other. My relationships have been struggling for decades because I get overwhelmed. I have worked in reducing domestic violence for decades. I have always recognized that this passion comes from personal experience, but this meme recently woke me up to the amount of problems it has caused. Out of those listed, six are on point, even though those on the “outside” might find that surprising. These have led to the other two issues that have led me to these resolutions for 2022.
Unfortunately affording therapy isn’t in the cards right no, or the bank account. I know someone reading this says it’s always possible, but not right now. It is on the list, at the top, when a few things realign. My biggest challenge is working through some intergenerational trauma. Some questions can’t be answered, unfortunate those who have the answers have passed. (Like why did we have to call my great-grandmother by Mrs. Beers? Even her kids did. Something was up with that!) Working on these things will benefit everyone and everything.
So, I’m going to get started. I have gotten a book on trauma to start the process. I’ve set up my planner on things to do personally and professionally. I’m giving myself daily goals, little and big. I’ve started dreaming.
Personal daily goals–Drink more water. Stand up 10 times a day (for those unaware, I have primary progressive multiple sclerosis and utilize an electric wheelchair). Be more grateful. Watch art videos. Three times a week, do something artistic
Family goals–reach out two to three times a week to all in my immediate circle. Schedule a quarterly get together, at least. Tag them in positive memes, stories on social media.
Business goals–add board members. Get banking things on track. Reach out to a new person once a week to introduce them to Join Me. Create 6 videos this year on strategies to reduce domestic violence. Take the state class on batterers intervention. Blog three times a week, at least.
There, the goals are out there. What are you working on?
I’ve been working to get things done, just not seeing what I had hoped. The stumbling block right now is the necessary bank account. I will say this has put the problems front and center of ru Ning a business with several things–a significant disability, lack of personal transportation, and the winter.
Getting off here now and creating a plan.
We are hosting a toy drive and have lots of things to donate. I need to not overlook that!
Olympic a gymnast told an FBI agent in 2015 how she was raped by Larry Nassar. That agent did nothing. Consequences for him? Finally fired LAST WEEK. Another was allowed to retire. Consequences for the athletes? Continued rapes and living with the trauma.
All the agents’ rape cases need to be reopened. 500 athletes have come forward. He raped, impregnated, videotaped his assaults, took scholarships from the women. How many could have been stopped if the adults in their lives did what the children deserved? How were their stories negated?
We need to look deeply into our own actions and thoughts. We buy into conspiracy theories while working against actually protecting children by providing education on consent and sex. What are you willing to do? Nothing? Then you are a part of the problem.
Join Me at the Table is working on empowering the community to do its job. Ask how you can help.
Today is my “day of the asks”. I wrote a few days ago that my comfort zone has swallowed me. Today I gave myself the task of breaking out.
I gave myself 5 asks. Two women for my October project. ✔ both are on board. A friend to ask if I can use her name when I reached out to a local mayor. ✔ (no response yet) A family member to see if we can cask a check she gave a month ago. ✔ And my son to see if he was going to cut the grass, a sore topic sometimes, unfortunately. ✔
The garden is my happy place. I love the produce that comes from the work a few months back. I love the greenery. But, mostly I guess, I love the quiet. Quiet where I can ignore the cars, the other community noise.
Or, do I use it to not do what I need to be accomplishing? I have to step out of my comfort zone (remember a few days ago?), make some contacts. I need to complete the flyers for the community. I need to ask difficult questions to people who, more than likely, will say yes.
We all have them, don’t we? My comfort zones are being challenged now, constantly. In business? Reaching out to those I used to work with. Asking for money. For volunteers for the Board.
Why my walls have to come down is because, without it, Join Me will cease to exist.
Busy, busy, busy…boredom. Why is life like that? I have had some great strides lately for Join Me. Website? Up and getting a little traffic. One podcast guest spot completed, airing as a part of a three evening webcast. 90 professional i used to work with contacted about the launch of the non-profit. 15 responded. Not bad. Three meetings this week. Contracted with a print on demand business to see some merchandise. Reached out to two vending opportunities. Received a positive ‘let’s work on it’ about the little free pantry. Began coaching a friend. Men’s group next Tuesday and Thursday.
But no new $$$ opportunities, which is needed. That has to be my focus moving forward. Either this is a business or my charity to the world. As much as I wish that could be the case, I need to add to my income. I have done this basically free for several years. It’s time.
My friend Marilyn yesterday told me something–find your price, say it and be quiet. The response will come. Its past time.
Several years ago I was chosen to receive an all expense paid trip to NYC with my son (as my caregiver) for 5 days. We were on a mission to recognize that “what’s inside me is stronger than what’s in my way”. The past couple of days I have tried to test it.
I bought a website package from Vistaprint. In the past I tried to build a site and failed. Miserably. But I knew that, if I want Join Me to be successful, two things are needed: me getting over my anxiety of failing and a working website.
It took me two days and numerous chat interactions with the support team, but its done. I did it. http://www.jmattable.org
Performing with three strings. 