I’ve challenged myself to 3 big goals resolutions, for 2022: 1. Work on deeper relationships with my family, mainly my children and granddaughter. 2. Get Zach to the place where he can move on. 3. Decide if I really want Join Me to happen as a business, or just a meaningful side gig.
Each of these build on the other. My relationships have been struggling for decades because I get overwhelmed. I have worked in reducing domestic violence for decades. I have always recognized that this passion comes from personal experience, but this meme recently woke me up to the amount of problems it has caused. Out of those listed, six are on point, even though those on the “outside” might find that surprising. These have led to the other two issues that have led me to these resolutions for 2022.
Unfortunately affording therapy isn’t in the cards right no, or the bank account. I know someone reading this says it’s always possible, but not right now. It is on the list, at the top, when a few things realign. My biggest challenge is working through some intergenerational trauma. Some questions can’t be answered, unfortunate those who have the answers have passed. (Like why did we have to call my great-grandmother by Mrs. Beers? Even her kids did. Something was up with that!) Working on these things will benefit everyone and everything.
So, I’m going to get started. I have gotten a book on trauma to start the process. I’ve set up my planner on things to do personally and professionally. I’m giving myself daily goals, little and big. I’ve started dreaming.
Personal daily goals–Drink more water. Stand up 10 times a day (for those unaware, I have primary progressive multiple sclerosis and utilize an electric wheelchair). Be more grateful. Watch art videos. Three times a week, do something artistic
Family goals–reach out two to three times a week to all in my immediate circle. Schedule a quarterly get together, at least. Tag them in positive memes, stories on social media.
Business goals–add board members. Get banking things on track. Reach out to a new person once a week to introduce them to Join Me. Create 6 videos this year on strategies to reduce domestic violence. Take the state class on batterers intervention. Blog three times a week, at least.
There, the goals are out there. What are you working on?
When you are where I am: with a new business, with a significant disability, with a monetary crunch, with a few other issues that I haven’t even identified, yet… it feels normal to have a bunch of things right out of my reach. Success, the next project, my old “go to” fun activities, that dang ripe tomato in the garden. It is the new norm.
Adaptation is also the new approach and today that is what I have to work on. I am ready to publish the workbook, but the formatting requirement has overwhelmed my brain. I farmed it out to a friend. Now I have to find some money to compensate her. I found a friend to write some grants. Now I have to find some money to compensate her. I have some designs in my head for handouts. Now I have to get my head to believe I can design them.
Out of my reach.
I came to the garden to relax, alone. Someone just joined me. Time to go home and get these things in my reach.
We all have them, don’t we? My comfort zones are being challenged now, constantly. In business? Reaching out to those I used to work with. Asking for money. For volunteers for the Board.
Why my walls have to come down is because, without it, Join Me will cease to exist.
Domestic Violence Awareness Month 2020 begins this week. The year’s 20/20 vision needs to be clear: create a sustainable social system which reduces further victimization. This year the pandemic trapped many in their home with their abuser and resources were out of reach. We need better resolutions before the next societal catastrophe. This needs to fuel our vision.
Join Me at the Table (Jmatt for short) will work through the theory of the 7 C’s of Social Change: Consciousness, Congruence, Committment, Collaboration, Common purpose, Controversy with Civility, and Citizenship. This week will explain each C, the remainder will show why each is needed to proceed.
Jmatt knows that an eighth C is needed, a therapeutic Community. These steps will take us to this necessity. There is work to do. Let’s go.
How many people are feeling like i am right now? Needing peace, a calm but are worried that every calm just is felt right before the storm?
It seems like the storms are everywhere. Families, social media, neighborhoods, in our own heads. Storms everywhere.
I decided that, for today, social media is on a hiatus, a much needed break. I can wait to know what devious acts are coming down from Washington. I can find out on Monday who got drunk tonight. I normally can even not care about what everyone is having for dinner. Unless I want the recipe, or the store where they bought it. Today it is flowers and garden growth.
I needed to see this interpretation of the Jewish faith’s understanding of the afterlife. I had read that “rest in peace” or “rest in power” were inappropriate, but was left wanting for something to feel. Then I saw this…
“There’s a few posts going around reminding folks that since RBG is Jewish, the proper thing to say about her passing is “May her memory be for blessing,” which is true, but I wanted to add a bit of perspective on what that means.
Jewish tradition does not focus on the afterlife. There are a few thoughts on what happens when we go, some of which look a bit like reincarnation, and some of which looks like time to reevaluate our actions and relationships on earth, but for the most part, the whole “Do good things, get good reward from God; do bad things, get bad punishment from God” is just not part of our worldview. (Spoiler alert: this is why I love The Good Place so much- the final season feels very in line with Jewish thoughts on the afterlife.)
When Jews speak of righteousness, it is never with the idea of an eternal reward. We work to be good humans to others and ourselves because justice and peace are their own rewards. We don’t know what happens next, but we know what happens here, and that is enough. The pursuit of justice is one of the highest callings of Judaism, and it should not be misinterpreted as vengeance or punishment. The ideas of justice and sustainability are inextricably linked in Judaism. A system that is unjust cannot sustain, and a system that is unsustainable cannot be just.
It is said that a person who passes on Rosh Hashona is a Tzedek/Tzaddeket, a good and righteous person. When we speak of tzedakah, the word is often translated as “charity” but it is more accurate to say righteousness. Tzedakah can take many forms (including monetary donation) but it’s important to note that tzedakah is not a benevolent contribution given to be kind or nice to those who need it, it is to be viewed as a balancing of the scales, an active working towards justice. To use a simple example, one should donate to the local food bank not to gain favor with God, or to be nice to those with less than ourselves, but because it is unjust for anyone to be without food, especially while others have plenty. Correcting injustice, balancing the scales, evaluating the distribution of power and creating equity is tzedakah, the work of righteousness.
Similar to Maslow’s (imperfect) hierarchy of needs, Maimonides wrote in the Middle Ages of eight levels of Tzedakah, the highest of which results in self sufficiency, or rather, an act that creates a sustainable form of justice. “Teaching a man to fish” is an extremely reductionist view of this idea, but it’s a start- the real meat of it is the idea that charity is good, but eliminating the need for charity is better. (i.e. Tax the billionaires so we can have universal healthcare instead of praising the rich for building hospitals with their names on them.)
The second highest form is where both the giver and the receiver are unknown to each other. This allows both for the dignity of the recipient, and for the giver to be free from personal motivation and reward. In other words, we should help create a more just world for the benefit of people we don’t know, without the expectation of praise, gratitude, or reward, in this life or the next.
When we say that Ruth Bader Ginsburg was a tzaddeket (the feminine form of tzaddik) we don’t just mean she was a nice person. What we’re saying is that she was a thoughtful person who worked tirelessly to create a more just world. One that would perpetuate equality and access, one that wasn’t reliant on charity, one that was better for people she did not know, without the expectation of praise or fame. THAT is what it means to be a Tzaddeket, and I can’t think of anyone who better embodies the pursuit of justice.
When we say “may her memory be for blessing” the blessing we speak of is not “may we remember her fondly” or “may her memory be a blessing to us” the blessing implied is this: May you be like Ruth. Jewish thought teaches us that when a person dies, it is up to those who bear her memory to keep her goodness alive. We do this my remembering her, we do this by speaking her name, we do this by carrying on her legacy. We do this by continuing to pursue justice, righteousness, sustainability.
So when you hear us say “May her memory be for blessing” don’t hear “It’s nice to remember her”– hear “It’s up to us to carry on her legacy.” When you hear us say, “She was a Tzaddeket” don’t hear “She was a nice person”– hear “She was a worker of justice.”
May her memory be for blessing. May her memory be for revolution. May we become a credit to her name.
*special thanks to the linguists and Hebrew speakers in the comments section who helped me out!
When I was a starry-eyed teen, I envisioned myself crafting a woman who appeared as the 2nd person. I thought I would be surrounded by people who loved and lived a life full of peace and purpose. I saw art as a key component, and sunshine, lots of sunshine.
Then life got in the way and I got sidetracked. I got sullen and the stars turned to lasers, sometimes. I saw peace as a fight, instead of a calming experience. I let others take control.
Performing with three strings. 