All of my missing string come down to one thing: fear. Fear of not:
- Stand up from ANYTHING
- Going broke
- Being alone
- Running into people I used to know
- Meeting new people
So, where do all of these fears get me? Tied in knots, I get no where. I am at a loss for solutions. What I am trying are several things.
First, I am talking to my doctor on Wednesday. I am wondering if, the physical things–falling, difficulty in standing–could be caused by something with my inner ear. I have tinnitus really bad. Perhaps, the conditionsare intertwined. I have also began attending, and DOING it, an older adults exercise program at the YMCA. Maybe the issue is that my core is weak because of the MS, Lymphedema and I am just not active anymore. The lack of activity is because I was so sick last year, my depression and, taking me back to the purpose of this post, am afraid of being seen. I hate using the wheelchair. That is purely a mental thing. No one has responded negatively.
Learning to just be, confidently is the prescription for my health. Learning to trust may be hard but definitely worth the payoff.
Photo credit: blog.socialitysquared.com