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Obsession 

Have you ever been obsessed? Unfortunately, I have. Obsessed with, oh I don’t know, let me list the ways:

  • Food
  • Relationships 
  • Looking at Pinterest, Facebook, social media in general 
  • Naps
  • Ignorant television shows

So, you see, I kind of have a tendency to obsess, unless it is a healthy thing then, ironically, I run like hell. Well, actually, that’s not true either because I can only run in my dreams. But, enough of this.

My latest obsession is searching for the perfect pictures to add to this blog. This week I have been attempting to put today’s aspect of me now into the framework of photography or clip art. And, boy did I. 

What I see everywhere now are barriers. My new shower (built and installed by a group of teens on a mission trip) has a 2-3″ lip. Barrier. They also repaired the threshold of my front door. A rise that those who walk freely do not notice. Me? A barrier. A door. My door. Business doors? Barriers. Steps? Big time barrier. No ramp, no go unless my son is there to pull my wheelchair, with me aboard, up.  Toilets without grab bars? Barrier. Grab bars not at the correct height? Barrier. 

I could go on. 

I am attempting to jump start my brain to rethink the world. I believe that many people before me have had to use their creativity to solve each of these and more. Unfortunately, I find myself searching for solutions to my problems from someone else which is problematic because of several reasons. First, everyone has a different view, vision of the problem /barrier. That being said, the solution will be applicable to their viewpoint and oftentimes not to mine. 

Secondly, I have gotten myself to ‘the easiest way possible’. In this case, I want to profit from the actions of others. Why? Well, it can’t be because I have no time. I really have nothing but time. Boredom? Well, maybe. I always have a list of things that need completed and the list remains the same day after day, or worse grows longer. But, the change of thought, my broken string of the day, is that I see things as a barrier and not as a challenge. Barriers are a negative, a scary thing. A challenge is a test and often a game. My brain will be used to create a strategy. A course of action that will be tried. After that I will monitor if it worked or need to be restratigized. Again, I have to remember, I have nothing but time.

To ‘step up’ to this challenge I have a significant ‘barrier’ that will worked out in the next few weeks here. The BIGGEST barrier is self confidence. I am trying different responses to the fear/anxiety that has gotten fairly strong roots from the manure in my mind and soul now. Ideas? Yes, that needs to be my next obsession because this is crippling. 

Yes, my search resulted in doors. Closed now, waiting to be opened. My hand is reaching for the knob. Wish me luck. 

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Author:

Life coach, social worker, woman, mom, newly (dis)abled, learning to live

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